The Word of mAn[S]o0r

what is there inside a person?

what’s there inside me?

is it tangible? is it understandable? is it logical?

they say, the human mind is at best, incomprehendable. is it really? what gets me is how similar we all are, how you can almost predict to a T what each one of us going to do.. save a few minor details..

is that all there is to it then? minor details? little deviations to a largely established codebase?

then what really lies inside us? the answer eludes me…

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The day started with us going down to see IBA sukkur campus, my friends alma mater. he proudly took us through every building with a commentary. nice place..

Next came the famous sukkur suspension bridge. had an incident too. I switched to using my imate, since there is no rampant mobile snatchin here.. n just as I was taking some pics of the bridge.. a rangers security guard comes n demands I hand over my mobile as photographs are not allowed. He almost snatched it from me too!!! lol! saving it from theives only to let it be almost taken by security!! how’s that for ironic!

The next stop was the shrine of the seven sisters.. they were the arab women who wrote to arab king complaining of raja dahirs cruelness.. who then sent bin qasim to save them n subsequently conquer the area. the women died there before bin qasim could come, allegedly being sucked up in the earth by god to save them from the pain, other things there were the tombs of shohda from that war! It was awe inspiring. In the distance, was the ruined qilla of raja dahir too.

Next stop was a mandir, made in the raja dahir era, n currently functioning too. It’s on an island in the middle of the indus, accessible by boat only. We need a pass normally, but got in without. A guide explained who each deity was, n what each chamber was for. It’s a large mandir, with around six dedicated deity chambers, n large grounds.

Next on the agenda was mir masoom shahs minar, which has a very narrow passage way which leads to the top… mir was a vazir of akbars court. From the top u can see a panoramic view of all of sukkur. Amazing place!

Then we went to lab-e-mehran. It’s a park on the bank of the indus river. From there we took a boat ride on the indus… A very long one time was about asar… it was lovely!!! And so romantic. Plus got to view sukkur barrage from a close up.

Then went to kaide… a village near here to visit someone. On the way back, visited a bazaar… the only thing left here we didn’t go to. By that time we were so dead tired that just wanted to come home.. Still had to have dinner though. And the friend had a very lavish spread waiting for us when we got home!

Too good!!!

*again, pictures will follow as soon as i get them*

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This muharram weekend, I decided to live it up n go out of the city on a road trip. A colleague lives in sukkur, n that’s really the only near place , I thought why not. So togheter with another guy from the office, n his brother in law, we piled up in his car and headed for the highway at midnight saturday.

It was so much fun! we stopped for dinner at three am at this place called hala. Had karahi, n then forged ahead. reached sukkur by morning n saw the sunrise on the sukkur barrage. Then we went to our friends place n crashed for the night/morning. The second day was equally amazing. Changed my perception of sukkur forever!

But that for my next post..

p.s. I’ve taken a bunch of pictures, but will upload them once I’m back in khi. Still at sukkur!

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I took the laptop again to the Inbox service center today. Because of the problems it had developed. The service guy had it fixed in under 15 minutes. All it needed was a little adjustment.

This is one reason i like inbox, their aftersales service is great! The last couple of times i took it there, they were courteous, helpful and generally willing to make my ordeal better.

The fact that my laptop still wont start without a power supply notwithstanding, i’m still in love with their service. My charger had also developed a problem, the power cable was loose and it required being put in a specific position to supply the power. In urdu, “taar khich gaye thee”.

The guy took my charger, gave me a backup to use while he got that one fixed.

How cool is that!

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I’ve been using my laptop for 6 years now, n taken it in for repairs only twice.

Why? Vanity mostly.. and i got screwed over both times!!

The first time it was two years back, my casing was getting pretty old, and i thought what the heck, lets go get a new one, instead of getting a new laptop. So i gave it in, and for 1500, my casing was brand new!

But there was a problem!

It wouldn’t turn on when it was only on battery power!! It required the power supply to be plugged in! It would run on battery, just wouldn’t power up on it. And there was nothing which could be done then, so i kind of left it at that..

Then today, i decide to try once more to get it fixed.. Gave it in the morning, got it back by evening with the power button still not working right (they now say its a problem with the motherboard and i need to replace it, potentially costing 14k easy!)

And if that wasn’t enough! The fan is now making strange noises… and the ‘0′ key wont press easily!!!!

I’m cursed that way… i cant seem to get things right in the first go, need to do it again and again. Arrgghh!! So its back to the service center tomorrow….

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I sometimes imagine what my would would’ve been like if i hadn’t met her. If i hadn’t given so much time of my life [the best years?] to being attached to just her.

Had i been better off? Or worse then now?

I recall all the good she did in me. I cant seem to recall much of the good she did for me.. but then, i was selfish. I just wanted everything to be about her. I never gave time to what i wanted… living on scraps of good will i got from her, lapping it up thinking i was extremely lucky to be with her..

She’s not the typical bitch you read about, leading guys on, getting their own agenda fulfilled and using the guy as much as they could… I wasnt one of the typical nerds, falling victim to the first girl who gave me a minute of her time.

And yet, the story sounds like that when you hear it from a third persons perspective…

I imagine how we would’ve been, had i not heard a “no” everytime i suggested something… everytime i wanted something.

Can i sit with you?
No!! Loag kya kahein gay… thore dur bheto, we can still talk.

Can we go out to lunch?
No!! Someone might see us!

Will you accept this birthday gift from me?
No!! Mein apne ammi ko kya bataon gee kiss nay dya hai?
(this was after we had been going out for almost 2 years, her first birthday i was broke)

And it continued… and continued…

She did concede a couple of times…. accepted a few things from me (but only when a bunch of other people also gave her stuff the same day),

and we went out a few times…. i say we went out just 15 times in 5 years… she said we out for FIFTEEN TIMES!

And still, I couldn’t bear to leave her… couldn’t handle that she would be sad because of me… i was called a ‘thurkee’ for being under her spell… after every phadda we had, i’d be the one begging her to forgive me (usually it was my fault, cuz i flew off the handle, but even in cases where i was justifed in flying off), i lost my cool, i lost most of my reputation, my friends, 5 years of my life…

Yeah… i do imagine….

what would life be like without all these demons in my head!?

Im sorry… i had to leave! There was nothing left, and i dont really want to get more mentally deranged than i already am…. Good bye!

*this entry is also part of the blogwords on wednesday wandereres*

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You have to ask mansoor! You have to be convincing…. and you have to be persistant if you really want it!

and here i was wondering why everyone i ever think of asking out, gets involved with someone else?!

Damn! i need to start working again :@ get my mind off these things….

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One of the most touching quotes i’ve ever come across!

If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than it was because he was he, and I was I.
- Montaigne

Interestingly, i came across this quote in a PhD dissertation of all places!

*hoping someone might say it for me someday too*

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Update: PsyhceD suggested i put this up as a tag, and i think thats a good idea list down what you wanted to become at different points in your life, till today. Come up with atleast 5 points. To start things off, i tag PsyhceD, IcedMocha, FalsaQueen, HerbWoman, Extiinct, Untamed-Desires, UTP, Tanzila, Xill, and anyone else who reads this.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

At 5 years
an air-force pilot, an astronaut, rich and like my dad (all individual choices)

At 10 years
narrowed down to an air-force pilot

At 14 years
a computer geek, since i developed eye problems and air-force was out. Also, got my first computer around this time.

At 16 years
an engineer, welcome matric and back then, it was either engineer or doctor

At 18 years
a computer programmer, “oh so thats what that blue screen program is for!!” reffering to turboC back at the school computer lab.

At 22 years
a Project Manager or Development Manager with a large IT firm, graduation done with.. future prospects looking bright.

At 24 years
to be over with studies *sigh*, when my masters thesis is still not completed!! Also, no more project management for me.. i started my career from Consulting.

So what would i wanna *be* now? The answer, thanfully, got simpler. I want to be what i am

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Note: the following commentary leads to dark and mysterious reccesses of my mind, and may lead to depression or all out hatred for me as a person. Read at your own risk, i will not be responsible for any consequences made by anyone else other than myself.

For the last couple of days (weeks?) i’ve not been in the mood to write alot. To the point that even my poor blog was being neglected!! (now now! do not despair dear blog! u are very near n dear to my heart!)

What brought this on, you ask?

Darn if i know. All i do know is, the ‘rock n roll’ has been slowly taken out from life.. to be replaced with a dull, senseless humming sound.. the incessant humming which is slowly but surely driving me mad. I’ve started becoming mad a lot too. Go off at the slightest provocation.. Yesterday was about to tear off a co-workers head just cuz he said ‘jaanay kay lye ready hojaao’. I’m writing this because i still have enough senses not to carry out the weird ideas in my head (like bashing the guys’ head in with a sledgehammer!), but i dont know till when…

A couple weeks back, i was soaring through the air, as happy as anyone could ever imagine being. I was thankful for all that i had, thankful even for pain, for it made me feel alive… now, nothings changed, yet i’ve somehow lost the longing for happiness even. Im going through the motions of life, making sure that i dont starve to death or dont stay off work too late, fulfilling social obligations as little as i can. Most of the time, i prefer staying alone, locked up in my room, watching TV or a movie.. I’m starting to abhor physical contact with people, slowly and gradually cutting off all ties with friends and family.. apart from those i absolutely necessarily have to keep.

Damn! i need to get shock therapy! I wonder how much good does 220 volts would do?

*eyeing up an open electric socket*

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