love is overrated
Posted by mansoor on 25 May 2008 | Tagged as: me n her
sounds like something a person burned by someone close to them would say.
which isn’t entirely incorrect in my case.
i was happy… happier than i’ve been in a long time. so much so, that i was willing to do anything…but to quote meatloaf… ‘i would do anything for love… but i wont do that‘. though i’m sure we (meatloaf and i) mean separate things, the jist would be the same.
people have one chance in their lifetime to find true love, their ’soul mates’, the one who would complete them. some do.. and some spend a lifetime searching and yet they dont find them.
then there are ones like myself… who not only find them, but manage to loose them because of who they are. what irony wouldn’t you say? a soulmate, a part of who you are, doesn’t want to be with you, cant even stand the thought of listening to you. i mean… seriously?!
this post might seem like self pity at this point, but i believe its a bit more. its the warrant i’ve signed for myself to a life of ‘non-existent’ in the love department…
and that, ladies and gentlemen, is why i think love is over-rated.
to those who’ve decided to move on with their lives, i have a toast! “to your future health, wealth and happiness! may i also have the mental acuity and the strength to follow”.
Ever heard of : “if you love someone let it go free, if it comes back, it yours, if it doesn’t, it was never meant to be yours!”
Move on. We meet many wrong people before finding the reight one. And trust me it’s a fact.
I know it’s hard to make you understand this specially at this time ..but time will definitely prove it.
And yes, you are right, love is overrated. We expect a lot. Its only a state of mind!
Sorry Mansoor, move on. One day you will see back and would laugh at this post. I had a divorce in 2004(my wife dumped me for some one else but we had issues earlier too, she was in UK and I was in US for job purposes and that divorce cost me a lot of money too
) and you know I cried and cried loud. But after all these years, I just feel that what ever happened, it happened for good. There was one time that I would not have left her for millions of $ and today I would not take her back for million of $. We are still very good friends and have respect for each other. We talk once in a while but you know we were just not a good match and we both knew it at that time but it was too hard to let the strings break. I am glad that God sent some one in b/w us and that helped me moved on other wise I would have been in torture for ever. I have met so many wonderful gals after that but have not settled yet not because I have a thing for my ex, it’s just I feel that I can enjoy life 1-2 years more before I get knock down 
Go out and enjoy life, there are so many wonderful people out there … And believe me you would be much more mature now. Happy Hunting
unaiza: time would heal all wounds, but the time when you go through it is the tougher one :S
obi wan kenobi: “but you know we were just not a good match” << this is exactly the thing! we were a good match and we were happy :S
i guess i’m just having a hard time reconciling the fact that maybe i wasn’t seeing things straight? that maybe there were too many underlying strains that i was unaware of… and that is what is tearing me up! because i took so much care to clearup the underlying strains…
i guess no one is perfect…
love cant be categorized as over or under rated….and it is not the most important thing in this life…but it sure is a good to have….
The best part is where most people disagree with me….you can fall in and out of love again…and again…and every next time stronger….with more lessons learnt…more experience…
Each seeming end is not the real end….its a new beginning…
Oh don’t worry, let me clear you few things, may be I was not clear enough. We divorced after 6 years of marriage and first 4 years were like a breeze. It all started after first 4-5 years that SHE thought we were not that which we thought initially but I refused it and tried all my best to make it happen but failed. It really hurt back then but now when I look back then I guess SHE made a right choice for US. You know love makes you blind so you can’t see clearly. I thought every thing was fine and why she was making all fuss but now after all these years, I could not agree more with her.
You want to move on ? One piece of advice, Just break all connections with her for a year and come back to this entry after a year. Do not communicate with her, her friends, her family. Just forget that she is not here any more, make new friends, throw out all her stuff and you will be all fine in 6 months. But if you keep her on MSN and noticing when she comes online ,what she is doing, what she is writing on her blog or thinking she would be reading your entries here then you would never move on and would waste your time. Just give yourself 6 months and you would make me a guru after that. Live and learn my frirnd.
And oh yeah, I agree with UTP, you could always love for second time and with more passion. It’s just stupid to say that you can’t love more than once or you won’t ever forget your 1st love. Sure you wont forget her as you don’t forget your primary school friends but that wont be love and wont hurt you. Honestly I thank to Allah that he made me go through all that and made me more wiser, more chiller and more understanding person.
This entry describes EXACTLY how I am feeling - I could’ve written it myself. Maybe a small consolation that you’re not the only one who is going through this….
obi: interesting… i guess i must be lucky that i didn’t have to wait for 4 year for the cracks to appear.
you know, i also agree with UTP that love the next time around is even more powerful. i was just thinking about the times that i’ve fallen in love and each successive fall has been been deeper..
thankyou both (UTP and OWK) it really made me feel much better
I am glad that I was help to you. One more thing, just do not try to drag that thing, you might drag it for some time like I did in 5th and 6th year but at the end it did not make it and now I think I wish I could have just let it go w/o wasting two more years and so much money
… I am 200% sure that you would be fine in few months if you just break all contacts with your past … Don’t hate her, don’t hate your self, just be indifferent. She should be “nothing” to you. When I had a divorce, it was unbearable to imagine her with some one else and now I feel who cares and really do not give a damn who she is dating with or marrying with … I am thankful to her and God that they made me wiser after that experience … And believe me I am much much happier now than I ever was and I used to cry on my break up(still can’t believe if I really cried 
. I was 26 at that time :-). Yeah I married at quite young age …
ok i was unaware of this breakup… and i don’t have words to comment, i don’t have any experience but yes i have two words for you.. move on
zindagi kisi ke liye nahi rukti…!
i am so sorry mansoor.i am sure it hurts.but dont worry.you will move on.
It ain’t over rated man
its misunderstood.
been there, done that. and guess what, UTP is right. falling in and out of love is easier than movies would have you believe. The first few months are hard, but friends and family can help you bounce back. Just make sure, there are no unresolved issues, no unanswered questions, no unconsidered what-ifs.these nag u for a long time, but the pain slowly fades away..
Life’s waiting, mansoor!!
its good to see a guy writing all that for a change..i mean…relationship breakdowns are normally blatantly expressed by us gals..khair…where do u want me to start with my expert inspite on the topic?
i know its an endless, beaten to death discussion…all this abt luv and crap. andu knwo what…all my married fireds swear even sex is over rated!
*yeah..go one smile..*
all i can say dear friend is……it will hurt - and it will hurt bad. and fact of the matter is, it doesnt get better, u just have to get used to it till it becomes routine. been there, done that, rmr?!
sigh…i can go on and on with this…but i seriously need to catch up on the others as well. am sure u shall be bringing this topic up again.
i agree to most of the above - like it takes a few breakups to find THE one…and yes, u need to go out there and live *shud be telling myself that too*. but as far as moving on is concerned….u will find a way that suits u best. tc!
p.s..
update blogroll pls
obi: thanks man.. yea, i guess its no use dragging it out. uumm.. 26 is young to marry? even i am 26 at this point
ayesha: no worries, its not something i’m advertising much.. thanks for your comments
umarah: i will
thanks!
sid: you had an engagement broken up too? sweety.. having a relationship breakup and having an engagement breakup are two seperate things… anyway, you are right, family can really help!
mystique: just like guys aren’t the only ones who can have sex for fun
girls aren’t the only ones allowed to ‘express their feelings’ 
(p.s. sex is fun!! but only if done right ;)).
Mansoor, I divorced at 26, married at 20
…. and now I am 29.5 and don’t want to marry before 32 if ever I get marry. Sex is over rated but love making is not.
obi: married @ 20!! yup, that’s young, even for us! and in my extended families, guys get married quite young! the youngest in my family to get married was at 22. he’s a year younger and has a beautiful daughter now.
good call about sex vs love making…
@ obi…
hawwwwww….but i guess ur right there
mansoor…
u are adamant to drill that into my head arent u!
mystique: whatever works for you
The loss of love is bascially the loss of trust and patience, where two people, who used to love each other or atleast were so much into eah other, are not able to communicate anymore. Maybe, her hurt, at this point in time, is too monumental. but somehow, it seems to me that at some point in time, you would communicate.
good advice here about coping up, especially from Obi Wan and UTP. Though we can fall in love several times, the getting over part always hurts…your body and mind search for devise newer ways to cope with the loss….
tanzilla: reminds me of something which i read just today…
http://ljmo103.multiply.com/journal/item/2/Mind_Contradicts_the_Heart_on_Love
read it, you might like it.
Yups, interesting. i have asked the same question myself many times, does love Enff makes up for everything else…..? the heart has said onething, but the experience(s) have said otherwise…sighhhh…..