and how do you know if you’ve found it?
Last night, i was standing on her terrace, hand in hand, strolling in the slight crisp cold that are november nights here in Karachi, when the question struck me.
I’m very happy with her, and over the last couple of months have gone through enough tests to realize that we actually have a fighting chance of a good life together. Time and time again, there were events, there were upheavals, and there was drama, yet last night, we still were hand in hand. That got me thinking into how did i make the decision, how did i ‘know’.
When you’re single, and especially when you are in your teens, this is the singular, most important question in your life. (Well, it was in mine anyway :p).
How do you know if its true love?
The answer, in my case, was simple, as well as infuriating. I just did. Its like one of those things which smack you in the middle of your forehead on that lazy sunday morning and you go… ‘aaaaahhhh!’.
Breaking it down, i believe it was the cross questions which came to mind everytime i thought about her. Or rather, which didn’t come to mind. Previously, with each girlfriend i’ve had, i’ve had to ask myself these questions. Is it true love? Can i spend time with her? Can i spend my life with her? Whats her most adoring quality? Whats her most disturbing quality? and so on. I’m a hopeless romantic, and was quite keen on falling really hard each and every time. But in most of those situations, i could come up with a hundred reasons of why it wasn’t, of what really irritated the hell out of me, and what i needed to look past, before i could find reasons to realize why i loved them. With her, it was almost the opposite.
I believe the first thing which takes you by surprise is the ability for love to shock you. Not physically in anyway, but something subtle which makes you stand up and take notice. With her, it was when she told me the origins of the english nursery rhymes which we’ve grown up hearing. Ring-a-ring-a-roses and Hot Cross Buns. Now in itself, its not something extraordinary, but when you take into account that i’ve been interested in literature and history for the last decade, done extraordinary amounts of reading and have never met anyone who could tell me something i didn’t already know, it was huge. I was actually in shock for three days! From then on in, she’s surprised me in more ways than i care to count. Each time, being more pleasant and enlightening than before, and not just in literature.
Then comes the part of having high standards. I have developed very high standards, so high infact, that i genuinely believed a girl like that didn’t exist or rather couldn’t exist. I wanted a girl who had many facets, who could be a genuinely interested in what i had to say, yet have the brains and wits to one up me. Who could understand the subtle jabs, just by twisting a word or a pronunciation and know when i was thinking what. Essentially, someone who was better than me.
And lastly, commitment to excellence. Someone who wouldn’t settle for mediocrity just because its expected, someone who would go the extra mile to break those expectations and yet not break a sweat. I cant live with someone who’s happy with the status quo. There’s always something which needs improving, something which needs changing and being proactive about it is what makes my life worth living, and by extension, our lives worth living.
Coming back to true love, that is how i had broken it down. And how she, in the very first week, had managed to capture my attention, my love and my devotion. Of course, there were other signs, such as hospital visits and coke which helped in the decision, and a lot of things which i later discovered which cemented my decision.
So in conclusion, true love isn’t cultivated, it isn’t grown, and it isn’t found. It just happens when you least expect it. I knew it then, i know it now. She is definitely the one.
I love you babe
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