The Word of mAn[S]o0r

this is taking longer than i thought………

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only one more to go…

not bad for a one week period, if i do say so myself.

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A great poet, Zeeshan Sahil passed away a couple of days ago. I met the gentleman only one time in my life, at a reading that was held at t2f. He was in a wheelchair, had to be assisted by a couple of people, yet even that did not diminish his charisma. If anything, it added to it. Although i didn’t understand much of what he read, the parts i did understand were mesmerizing.

It was also the day a new chapter of my life had started. How fitting that chapter also closed with the demise of this great man.

Good bye Mr. Zeeshan, you will be missed.

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Her words created a rift, realized the ultimate dread within me and caused me to react uncontrolably with not just anger, but with white, searing, blinding rage. It was the ultimate unforgivable sin, those words. Yet they were said with such callousness as if reading out a label from a milk carton without remorse and without the understanding of the damage they caused.

They were then termed an ‘unfortunate selection’ only to be used a little later with the same malice and intent as I originally percieved. The target was different, so the damage was minimal… yet it brought back memories of the rage.

Today, there’s a blackout. A void powerful enough to suck any and everything within its reach. Even love, or whatever was left of it, is not safe. Neither are the scattered pieces of the once perfect life and the perfect dreams we shared.

The story has taken on an unwanted twist. While barreling onwards at a 100+ kmph, it now faces the treacherous twists and turns of a winding mountain road on a foggy night.
The last bonds are being severed, the union terminated. The unwanted call has come through… The dreaded outcome is being realized.

The void is growing larger, darker and even more powerful.
Its threatning to eat up the threads through which we weaved our future, one by one, unraveling the complex,intricate knots.

In retrospect, I have come firmly to believe what I already suspected a long time ago. I am not allowed to feel, for to feel and to express those feelings form the basis of the ultimate sin in the eyes of the beloved, throwing you down from the alter you once stood on, to the depths of the dust beneath their feet.

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My fiance started off on a little project of her own, and well… what can I say! She inspires me! So here goes, another attempt at resurrecting what I thought I had lost…. The art of storytelling.

This piece is about a little boy, trapped inside the shell of man who is just coming into his own. His life, always planned, yet always breaking out of them when he least expects it, is just another story we keep hearing about.. the trials and tribulations of growing up.

‘what the hell are we going to tell our parents?!’ he sighed. Taking a long drag from the cigarette in his hands, he puffed out the smoke, staring at the intricate designs it made in the wind, willing it to give him the answer.
‘what they always told us I guess, that we weren’t good enough’ his friend replied, dejected by the cards life had dealt them.

It hadn’t always been like this, but lately things were not going as planned. The intermediate board result was out, and somehow, they had managed to pass each and every subject! The only problem was, the percentage they got was even lower than the guy who had failed in three! They had been away from home since morning, hiding out till when they had to go back home to their respective parents, to be dealt with dissapoinment, despair and punishment.

They did try looking at the bright side, that they had passed and were going to get to the next grade, but that side didn’t seem as bright anymore. Ridicule, from their parents, their families, their friends and even future interviewers was what awaited them in the life after that moment. This was what they were warned against. For two years, it was all they were told. The grade meant everything! It would be permanently plastered in their records, to be brought up at every interview, every promotion and even at every party they would ever attend. The Intermediate grade was what defined the future for a guy in Pakistan. And that was precisely what they had screwed up.

‘what did we do wrong? WHAT!!!!!’ he yelled to no one at particular. The previous year running in front of his eyes like a horror movie. Months of preparation, of spending un-ending days in the library, at tutions, nights at group study sessions, reciting each and every word on each and every page like it was the holy book, and yet, it wasn’t good enough.

‘In the end, we must do as God wills us my friend’ his friend consoled him, lighting up yet another smoke from a fast emptying packet by their side. Being the more religiously inclined between them, he chose to let God decide his fate in life, yet the dissapointment wasn’t far from his eyes either. This wasn’t the first time he felt God had betrayed him, and little did he know, it wouldn’t be the last.

‘I cant do it man! I cant repeat first year, not from the same college! Its too humiliating!’ he cried out, his pain reflecting in every word uttered out of his mouth. Infact, it wasn’t his humiliation he was worried out. He was the first born! The pride and joy of his family. Coming from a long line of A-graders, he was the one who scored a D! Humiliation wasn’t him being told he’s not good enough, humiliation was his family being looked down upon! His father scorned by his peers, his grandfather having to lower his eyes in shame whenever his doting grandsons’ academics were brought up. This was what was eating up inside of him, this is what he had worked to avoid! And yet……

‘we don’t have to repeat yaar, we passed, we still get to go on towards second year….’ His friend, desperately trying to look for any sign of silver lining, replied. Still go on? Was he serious? Still go on for WHAT? Sure! We’d graduate, but then what? Did he think we could get in a good university? Did he think we might still salvage our futures? Our lives? It was ruined! There was no hope! Admission to a good university was no longer on the table, and after that, what was the point?

‘how could this have happened……. How? when we did everything we were supposed to! We gave it all that we had… what did we miss? what!!!!!!!!!!!’ he was still going around in the same circle, not being able to come to terms with his fading future… he wasn’t man enough for that yet.

‘why?’ …

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And the slogan of the campaign isn’t off the mark at all.

I had the pleasure of attending the startup insiders session, arranged jointly by Green and White and PASHA, and event which i was waiting for at least two weeks. Why? Because its exciting! The idea that the people present, presidents and CEO’s of major organizations were at one time where we are today, and that we too might join their ranks one day. And better yet, we have their brains to pick now!

The event expected 15 to 20 people. After the phenomenal success of the Karachi event, the expectations were raised to around 70 or so, At 6:20, we had a full room, with people standing in the aisle, and the number of participants being 100+. Not a bad turnout for the sleepy city of Islamabad.

The event was scheduled as a series of questions and answers from a panel of six successful entrepreneurs, and we got right down to them. From how to set a vision, how to know if your vision is even correct, how select a team, who to have in a team, and ups and downs of a writing a business plan, the event covered a large majority of concerns budding entrepreneurs have.

The most important lessons i learned in this session were the following

1. Have a right mix of skills within the founders team.
2. Its just as important to have the right sense of who to hire, than the sense of building the product to keep the startup going.
3. Build the product first, get it working, get customers and then get funding.
4. Business plan is a good thing when you have long term ideas. However, its never written in stone and acts more as a guide throughout your startup process than a series of commandments. It will mostly be rewritten at various points and becomes a living document of sorts.
5. Passion is the most important ingredient a startup founder needs to have.
6. Rally your team against something more substantial than money. Otherwise, braving the inevitable storms become harder.

And the funniest (and most hard hitting) lessons

1. Startup founders hardly get any sleep.
2. For a balanced work and family life, include your spouse in your startup!

There were quite a bit more insights shared in the forum, these were just the ones which stuck to me.

The audience were also really a good mix, from students, to budding entrepreneurs, to those who had already taken the plunge and were now heading companies of their own. Again, who knew that within the sleepy city of Islamabad, such activities were taking place.

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Life is a wonderful thing. Its full of twists and turns! A complete roller coaster ride right from start to end!

Too bad i get motion sickness :S

Lately, life has seen me move to Islamabad, take up a twist in my career which i didn’t see coming, move in back with my parents after a gap of nearly a year and a half, and overall threatening to take me out of my ‘comfort zone’ every time it can.

However, i cant really be certain if its actually ‘pushing’ me out of it, or ‘pulling me’ towards it. Somehow, things i never thought i’d do seem to come naturally to me? How strange is that!?

I might sound confused above, that generally because i am confused right now. From what i hear, this confusion is here to stay for another 20 years or so.. might as well get used to it.

Oh well, here’s to yet another twist!

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“I’m moving to lahore, accepted a job offer there and after completing my notice period in karachi.. will fly out”

That way in May 2007. Since then, i met the love of my life, an opportunity at work which i didn’t even think would be possible, and a chance to be closer to parents in Islamabad. A month later, the lahore offer tanked, and i was still left in karachi…

The new offer saw me moving to Islamabad to October, or so i thought. As soon as October rolled around, i got a project at work which required me to be in Karachi. So the trip was delayed.

The new date was in November….

On 14 November, after numerous consultations with everyone around me on the best way to move, i was informed by my office that the reason i was going to shift early, a new business opportunity, was delayed… my stay in karachi had just been extended to 18th December.

By now, the move was a standing joke, with most of my friends considering that i had already shifted and more and more people were continuously surprised to see me around the city. Many thought i had come back on business trips or was just visiting. Little did they know….

The 18th December date, however, was not to be either. The project was not yet finished, and i needed more time, so Dec 31st was selected as the date.

Then the bhutto incident happened, and we lost almost 4 to 6 working days because of that. This time i even had a confirmed ticket for the 31st, which i had to have postponed.

The next date i got was 13th January. Determined to make it this time, i completed all i had left there. Luckily, even my viva was completed (which deserves another post in itself), and i didn’t have anything to hold me back….

Till the morning of Jan 13th, i was waiting for some other thing to happen, something which would again postpone the event…. but it didn’t come. I started packing at 2 AM for a flight at 10 AM, was done by 4 and almost dropping from exhaustion.

And then i slept.. after setting a multitude of alarms ofcourse. The sleep was disturbed at best, but the alarms didn’t work still, she called over 20 times, i answered 7 and promptly slept on her.. (it was hilarious, atleast to her and so im safe).

So after waking up at 9:40, going out of my mind that i’ve almost missed the flight, leaving home in under 10 minutes and reaching the airport a minute after the deadline for check-in, i entered the airport apprehensive. The girl at the counter, looks over to her supervisor, asking the dreaded question “should i process this? he’s past his time and i’ve closed the counter”. I look at the supervisor, for what seemed like an hour, waiting for her response… in reality, it took only a second, a quick nod, followed by the affirmation “yes, yes, process it! i haven’t sent the stats yet” saved what would’ve been a very embarrassing, not to mention a very expensive event.

Thus begins the new life, in Islamabad.  Now, im waiting for her to come and join me, and to make this life a lot more exciting.

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like a house of cards, things come tumbling down and you’re left wondering..

what the fuck happened!

its 11:25, and i’ve had four strikes already.. what else can go wrong today, i wonder!?

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Happy new year all!

2008 comes with new hope and new promises, but it also promises to bring about a transformation for the better.

Looking back at 2007, it was a year with mixed events. Had some of the best mini vacations, infact, the only mini vacations i’ve ever had, in this year, with a trip to sukker right at the start, followed by trips to Islamabad, Lahore, Murree, Bhurban amid others. A long chapter in my life closed down, put to an end after a long drawn out drama. A drama which had me on the brink of a nervous breakdown, following emotional and physical outbursts, amid other tantrums. It did, however, make me realize exactly what it was i wanted in life, so it wasn’t all bad. Another chapter which began this year was family drama, where star plus serials took on a real life with characters too close to my heart.

Another feature of 2007 was how many times it made me see the inside of a hospital. From both sets of grandparents, to my chachi, cousin and the most awful of all, my father, to myself and a close friend, hospital visits became almost a sickening part of ‘normal’ life. I hope, and i pray, i never have to go through that again.

My father was awarded the Sitara-e-Imtiaz (Military) this year. One of the higher awards conferred on  people for services rendered in the line of duty by the President of Pakistan. That was definitely a high point in life.

But then, she happened, the true high point in my life. From humble beginnings at a poetry reading, after i had come back to get my things, having accepted an offer of employment in Lahore, to a fabulous one-day-notice engagement a few months later, having turned down the lahore offer and staying on in Karachi since now i had a better offer at my current workplace, to the numerous highs i’ve received each day i’m with her, she’s the perfect embodiment of what i ever hoped and prayed a partner to be. She’s managed to enchant whoever she’s met so far, even making older generations forget an ultimate incident and welcome us back with open arms, a smile, and a dua. Magical creature she is, weaving her magical smiles in our lives, with her little wand and pixie dust, making herself home with people and places i never thought possible.

Yes, 2007 was a mixed plate. But now that i look back at, it wasn’t all bad.

A countdown has begun. A countdown to the change of our status from singles to doubles, a day i await with much longing.

Welcome 2008!~

Note:  I’ve purposely left out any/everything related to the recent incidents in Pakistan, as i believe many others have done justice to it, and i cannot add anything of value other than ranting about it. 

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