The Word of mAn[S]o0r

sounds like something a person burned by someone close to them would say.

which isn’t entirely incorrect in my case.

i was happy… happier than i’ve been in a long time. so much so, that i was willing to do anything…but to quote meatloaf…  ‘i would do anything for love… but i wont do that‘. though i’m sure we (meatloaf and i) mean separate things, the jist would be the same.

people have one chance in their lifetime to find true love, their ’soul mates’, the one who would complete them. some do.. and some spend a lifetime searching and yet they dont find them.

then there are ones like myself… who not only find them, but manage to loose them because of who they are. what irony wouldn’t you say? a soulmate, a part of who you are, doesn’t want to be with you, cant even stand the thought of listening to you. i mean… seriously?!

this post might seem like self pity at this point, but i believe its a bit more. its the warrant i’ve signed for myself to a life of ‘non-existent’ in the love department…

and that, ladies and gentlemen, is why i think love is over-rated.

to those who’ve decided to move on with their lives, i have a toast! “to your future health, wealth and happiness! may i also have the mental acuity and the strength to follow”.

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Happy new year all!

2008 comes with new hope and new promises, but it also promises to bring about a transformation for the better.

Looking back at 2007, it was a year with mixed events. Had some of the best mini vacations, infact, the only mini vacations i’ve ever had, in this year, with a trip to sukker right at the start, followed by trips to Islamabad, Lahore, Murree, Bhurban amid others. A long chapter in my life closed down, put to an end after a long drawn out drama. A drama which had me on the brink of a nervous breakdown, following emotional and physical outbursts, amid other tantrums. It did, however, make me realize exactly what it was i wanted in life, so it wasn’t all bad. Another chapter which began this year was family drama, where star plus serials took on a real life with characters too close to my heart.

Another feature of 2007 was how many times it made me see the inside of a hospital. From both sets of grandparents, to my chachi, cousin and the most awful of all, my father, to myself and a close friend, hospital visits became almost a sickening part of ‘normal’ life. I hope, and i pray, i never have to go through that again.

My father was awarded the Sitara-e-Imtiaz (Military) this year. One of the higher awards conferred on  people for services rendered in the line of duty by the President of Pakistan. That was definitely a high point in life.

But then, she happened, the true high point in my life. From humble beginnings at a poetry reading, after i had come back to get my things, having accepted an offer of employment in Lahore, to a fabulous one-day-notice engagement a few months later, having turned down the lahore offer and staying on in Karachi since now i had a better offer at my current workplace, to the numerous highs i’ve received each day i’m with her, she’s the perfect embodiment of what i ever hoped and prayed a partner to be. She’s managed to enchant whoever she’s met so far, even making older generations forget an ultimate incident and welcome us back with open arms, a smile, and a dua. Magical creature she is, weaving her magical smiles in our lives, with her little wand and pixie dust, making herself home with people and places i never thought possible.

Yes, 2007 was a mixed plate. But now that i look back at, it wasn’t all bad.

A countdown has begun. A countdown to the change of our status from singles to doubles, a day i await with much longing.

Welcome 2008!~

Note:  I’ve purposely left out any/everything related to the recent incidents in Pakistan, as i believe many others have done justice to it, and i cannot add anything of value other than ranting about it. 

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So i love playing tambola, i recently realized.

Its not so much about the excitement or the pace of the game, but rather its about the quality time i get to spend with her. Small jokes, food, drinks and crossing off numbers. While on one hand, we’re the only youngsters there, with a majority of people being over 50, it does make me feel kinda old, but hey, one only has to be young at heart no?

My interest in tambola began early in childhood, thanks to navy function’s at the unit’s my dad was posted at. Often enough, there would a family evening of BBQ and tambola, and i get to play and be all excited. I guess going now just brings back those memories and makes me feel excited again.

The connection with her was totally astounding. For years, i’ve been searching for people who’d like to go play, since i didn’t have it in me to go alone. Since there was no one, i didn’t touch a tambola card for years. Then i discover, my in-laws love it, so much so, that they go twice a week, once to gymkhana and once to karachi club, every week! You can imagine how excited i was when I was asked to join them the first time! Apprehensive as well, but excited too.

And the fun thing is, they win as well! Yesterday, my FIL won Rs. 600 in two separate cards! My MIL won lucky draws twice in the last three weeks and even i won one game last week. How’s that for excitement! The numbers keep coming, the cutting gets intense, you’re totally focused, wishing, praying, hoping….

and then you shout! Just seeing his face at that time is worth it!

I have to admit, Im one of the few ‘damadjees‘ who actually likes spending time with his in-laws, almost as much as I do with her. And no, i am not destined to be a ghar jamai either, nor do i have any aspirations to that end. I prefer being independent and being my own man and caring for my own family, but that doesn’t mean i cant have good relations with them does it? Now if only shuffling all three families was as easy…

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When you know you’ve got it made… when you have communication at the backdrop of all the major events in your life with your better half.

I do not claim to be the perfect partner, infact, i do not claim to be even close. I have a lot of issues of my own, a lot of skeletons in my closet(s), and not to mention, a past which makes me see patterns in behavior which might not be there and (over)react accordingly.

Eventually though, i calm down, i forget the specifics and i remember the new patterns. These last few weeks, many facets of life have been clamoring for attention simultaneously, and being human, i’ve been stressed out quite a bit. From work, to family, to the new family, to friends… events occur and i’m left wondering.. how the hell do i manage?

Which is where she comes in, the bedrock of my sanity. Understanding, caring and above all, selfless, she’s made me wade through the though times, the waves, and the storms and let me weather it all out. What more could a guy ask for?
I’m not putting her up on a pedestal, though i badly want to. I realize it would be unfair to her, to her flaws and to her sensitivities. Through this post, im just acknowledging that throughout it all, she’s been a major factor to my sanity… she’s been my sanity check!

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and how do you know if you’ve found it?

Last night, i was standing on her terrace, hand in hand, strolling in the slight crisp cold that are november nights here in Karachi, when the question struck me.

I’m very happy with her, and over the last couple of months have gone through enough tests to realize that we actually have a fighting chance of a good life together. Time and time again, there were events, there were upheavals, and there was drama, yet last night, we still were hand in hand. That got me thinking into how did i make the decision, how did i ‘know’.

When you’re single, and especially when you are in your teens, this is the singular, most important question in your life. (Well, it was in mine anyway :p).

How do you know if its true love?

The answer, in my case, was simple, as well as infuriating. I just did. Its like one of those things which smack you in the middle of your forehead on that lazy sunday morning and you go… ‘aaaaahhhh!’.

Breaking it down, i believe it was the cross questions which came to mind everytime i thought about her. Or rather, which didn’t come to mind. Previously, with each girlfriend i’ve had, i’ve had to ask myself these questions. Is it true love? Can i spend time with her? Can i spend my life with her? Whats her most adoring quality? Whats her most disturbing quality? and so on. I’m a hopeless romantic, and was quite keen on falling really hard each and every time. But in most of those situations, i could come up with a hundred reasons of why it wasn’t, of what really irritated the hell out of me, and what i needed to look past, before i could find reasons to realize why i loved them. With her, it was almost the opposite.

I believe the first thing which takes you by surprise is the ability for love to shock you. Not physically in anyway, but something subtle which makes you stand up and take notice. With her, it was when she told me the origins of the english nursery rhymes which we’ve grown up hearing. Ring-a-ring-a-roses and Hot Cross Buns. Now in itself, its not something extraordinary, but when you take into account that i’ve been interested in literature and history for the last decade, done extraordinary amounts of reading and have never met anyone who could tell me something i didn’t already know, it was huge. I was actually in shock for three days! From then on in, she’s surprised me in more ways than i care to count. Each time, being more pleasant and enlightening than before, and not just in literature.

Then comes the part of having high standards. I have developed very high standards, so high infact, that i genuinely believed a girl like that didn’t exist or rather couldn’t exist. I wanted a girl who had many facets, who could be a genuinely interested in what i had to say, yet have the brains and wits to one up me. Who could understand the subtle jabs, just by twisting a word or a pronunciation and know when i was thinking what. Essentially, someone who was better than me.

And lastly, commitment to excellence. Someone who wouldn’t settle for mediocrity just because its expected, someone who would go the extra mile to break those expectations and yet not break a sweat. I cant live with someone who’s happy with the status quo. There’s always something which needs improving, something which needs changing and being proactive about it is what makes my life worth living, and by extension, our lives worth living.

Coming back to true love, that is how i had broken it down. And how she, in the very first week, had managed to capture my attention, my love and my devotion. Of course, there were other signs, such as hospital visits and coke which helped in the decision, and a lot of things which i later discovered which cemented my decision.

So in conclusion, true love isn’t cultivated, it isn’t grown, and it isn’t found. It just happens when you least expect it. I knew it then, i know it now. She is definitely the one.

I love you babe

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“the next three days, keep your evenings free honey.. you are with me!” she said…

“good, at least that takes care of it, but i wonder what she’s planning” i think and say as much…

“you’ll see…”, her eyes twinkle mischievously. i love when her eyes do that “its a surprise!”

just how did i come to be so lucky, i’ll never know… for someone to come up with something elaborate to put the ’surprise factor’ on me is a huge thing. i’m the one who does the surprising.. the elaborate planning and the seemingly random sequence of events which constitute a complete experience… but i hadn’t come across anyone else who would, or even could, for me… then she comes along, with her twinkle and her smile…

“wake up!!!!!!!” its sunday evening and after having slept the whole day, i groggly open my eyes to see the phone lit up with her name and her smile (picture calling id is a wonderful feature!)

“huh?! what time is it?” still not wanting to come out of my reverie

“its 5! and you have places to bbeeeeee!! get up and get ready na!!!” things are slowly coming back to me, reliving Gilligans island as she calls it and the reason why im so bushed!

“what places… let me sssllleeeeeeeeepppp!”

“you have to goto the airport, say good bye to your cousin and come get me! remember?! your evening is mine!!”  suddenly, all traces of sleep vanish, the gleam in her eyes remembered and the adrenaline rush of the ’surprise’ coursing through my body.

“sounds good! i’ll just go get ready..”

it took another hour to get ready though, since my brother wasn’t home yet and he had the car… so i took in an episode of prison break and took my sweet time in the shower.. finally at quarter to seven, was ready to leave. too late to goto the airport, i headed straight to pick her up.. during this time however, there was another conversation…

“so what is my surprise??????”

“why do you want to know sweety? just remember that its sweet na”

“tell me na! atleast i’d know how to dress for it”

“dont act smart mister! i know you’ve figured it out and are now just leading me on!!”

“nope, haven’t figured out anything yet….. didn’t really try cuz i wanted you to show me”

“well, i said next three days to are mine, and between the bonfire night and the club music night.. there’s only one night which is left.. tonight…”

“yes… and… we’re going to dinner kya?” i still couldn’t make out what the surprise was…

“umm.. yes, dinner is also on the agenda, but thats not the surprise na”

“hhmm…? then?”

“what else is on today..? something you really wanted to go to”

“i dont know…….” thinking hard….. still drawing a blank. maybe the mind still hadn’t cleared up..

“honey, we’re going to see  Bring the Funny”

“NO! GET OUT!!! seriously?” im flabbergasted! and remain silent for almost the next two minutes…

“yes sweety! we are” she giggles “i knew you wanted to so bad, ever since it was out, but then we couldn’t… so i decided that we’ll go, just the two of us. so i went and got us tickets! now go get ready in something appropriate sweety! ”

…

“dont hope for miracles…  plan for them” said a teacher at the Art of Living course i did earlier this year. the trick is to realize that miracles aren’t necessarily waking up the dead, or turning water into wine, but rather its when the seemingly impossible happens when all your doing is wondering what hit you in the first place…

thank you baby, for making this miracle night happen. if it wasn’t for you, i would still have been at home, watching tv and nursing the headache :p

ofcourse, when again you have the right place, new friends by your side, and having good delicious (with all its fattening goodness) food… even then right there seems like a miracle!

Coming up next: How the funny was brought! Review of Sami Shah’s performance at the PACC.

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